EB Family Day Blog

“Draw a great picture and win a battery-operated fire truck” the T.V. loudly blared. That caught my son’s attention. “That shouldn’t be too hard,” I thought as I began to make a plan of action. I decided to set a goal with my son to get the picture drawn and submitted in two weeks time. My son was ready and raring to go. Or was he?

Although I was sure my son wanted to win a toy fire-truck, I made a mistake when I tried to turn his fun into a goal-setting mission. However, we learned together through the experience and have, since then, been able to set other goals with good results for the whole family.

Here are some things we learned together:

1) Work with your child on the timing :: kids don’t have the same reference of time as we have. I made the mistake of setting a “two week” deadline for my son. He really didn’t understand the time reference anyway. It would have been easier for him if I had simply sat with him a few minutes each day with his drawing in front of him.

2) Write the goal down :: it is amazing how quickly we forget (both parents and kids) what the goal was, when it was made and why it was made. We all lost track of time on the drawing till I realized it was over six months since we had started the idea.

3) Make the goal relevant to your child’s personality and age :: my son dreams of becoming a fireman which is why winning a fire-truck seemed like a good goal. However, my son also grew quickly out of wanting that particular model of fire-truck. So we set another goal – that of learning to climb up poles. Climbing fits better to my son’s age and personality.

4) Work on the goal as a family :: I sat down with my son on the computer and visited the “fire-engine-contest” website. Online we downloading pictures already submitted for the contest. My son appreciated my interest and help.

5) Pray for it together :: after we learned how to set good goals, we decided to pray together for practical things and when problems or delays come up. Again, my son has the feeling I am interested but not trying to complete his goal for him.

6) Set the example :: my son is on the verge of being over-weight – not a good idea for would-be fire fighters. We decided that together we could loose some extra bulk. I made a list of “extras” that I wouldn’t eat for a while. It wasn’t long before he started offering to do without desert or extra portions. Again, I didn’t set a date for loosing weight; I simply showed him the good results week after week.

7) And most importantly – don’t give up. Children really appreciate having goals in their lives. My son never did submit the drawing for the battery operated fire-truck, but we decided to learn from the experience and set new goals. Now-a-days he paints pictures for birthdays and has entered other contests so the one bad experience obviously hasn’t put him off. Set goals and make resolutions with the family. It is good for everyone.

Ron Kernahan is a minister and author of several publications and web sites including http://www.xodigo.com “H5N1, avian (bird) flu and you.”

Tags: children, family dreams, goal setting, goals, kids, new years, resolutions

Does your spouse keep his magazines and newspapers spread across the floors of your home? Is he constantly asking you if you’ve seen his keys or eyeglasses? Are you tripping over your child’s toys? Is his or her disorganization driving you mad? You can stop the chaotic madness in your home. Heed this simple home organization advice to get your home or family member in order.

ASK WHY

Why do you want this family member to be more organized? Is this person’s disorganization affecting you in a way that you can literally describe? For instance, perhaps you’re tripping over your spouse’s shoes. That’s a safety hazard. Or maybe you have to drive your children to school a few days too many because they miss the school bus—because they can’t find their report, clothes, lunch, etc. in a timely manner. That affects your schedule (and your gas tank!). Or maybe your husband (or wife) buys duplicate items because they forgot where they put (or that they already owned) the last one. That affects your family budget.

Those are all valid and good reasons to help a family member to be more organized around your home. And there are plenty more examples that you can add to that list. But if your reason to organize your spouse, kids, parents or even roommate is because YOU think it will help them function better in life or YOU think they’ll appreciate having a more organized room (because you always do), you’re just complicating your life. And home organization is about simplifying your life, not complicating it. Make sure you’re helping someone to get organized at home because it helps them in some way THAT THEY WANT or because it helps you both with a shared goal that you express to them (e.g. You don’t break your neck tripping over your husband’s shoes in the future or you can find the shared car keys when you’re ready to go to your appointment.)

NOW WHAT

In order to organize a function or task of a disorganized family member, you have to think like them. So that means you have to keep an open mind. For instance, you know your spouse or kids come in every day and automatically flip their shoes off the first moment they get. They’re not doing this to annoy you. It’s just them. Maybe their feet are hot! So make organization convenient for them. Put a shoe bench near the foyer. They can still immediately take their shoes off but they can put them right away there in the shoe bench. A shoe bench is cool because it’s a piece of furniture that’s part of your home decor. Yet you can’t see the dirty shoes (You might want to throw a stick-on odor eater in the shoe compartment too.).

The same goes for items like keys, notebooks, backpacks, sunglasses, etc. Set up baskets, bins, tins, containers, etc. in convenient places where family members have a habit of laying things. It’s convenient for them. Your home looks neater (and you can blend these organizational helpers into the decor). Everyone knows where these items are located when they need them because these items now have an official home (and a convenient home).

Or let’s say a family member has a hobby or collection of different items they use regularly. You often find these items on the floor. You know this person well so you know they’ll never replace these items neatly in closed bins and put them back on that one assigned closet shelf (like you would). That’ll never work for him or her. Instead, think like that person. What that person needs is open bins or baskets (no lids) on an open vertical shelving system. That way they can see exactly what is where at a glance without dumping everything onto the floor. And they can easily (even haphazardly) throw items back into the bins. And that’s because there are no lids on them—the contents are viewable at a glance–and this is an organizational system for a person who wants to use their stuff not an organized person who wants their stuff to all look pretty. See the difference.

Think like the end user to create home organizational systems for your disorganized family members. You devise or buy organizational bins, baskets and shelving systems that are pretty and neat for your home while also buying ones that are functional for the intended user of the organizational item.

THE REST OF YOUR HOME

If you have less organized family members who can’t or aren’t going to follow your detailed organization system, keep making it easy on them throughout your entire home. Give them something they can handle like a basket or container system. They don’t have to organize and sort their toys, dirty laundry or other items. They just have to keep each set of different items in its designated container when not in use. It’s up to them to dig through the stack in each container if they need something.

No alphabetizing. No categorizing the items in each container. No color coding. Just put each group of items in a different basket, bin or container. A contained stack is much neater and still more organized than having things spread around the floor or counter. If it bothers you, put a lid on it, literally. And if you still find the occasional item on the floor when you’re vacuuming, just toss it in the container (don’t straighten it, fold it or try to put it just so in the container—just toss it in and move on).

Try these tips with Mr. or Ms. Messy in your home and watch your home organization plan take shape quicker than you ever thought possible. And remember, you cannot transform a disorganized person into an organized person. But you can work their habits and personality into your home organization scheme with a little creative thinking and compromise (by both parties) as suggested in this home organization article.

Karen Fritscher-Porter publishes http://www.EasyHomeOrganizing.com where you can read hundreds of free tips with home organization solutions, shop for home organization products and subscribe to two free home organization newsletters.

Tags: get organized, home clutter, home organization

It’s a daunting question for many parents, new and old. Some of you are first timers with a brand new baby in your home and others of you have several children. All in all you have decided it’s time to go back to work and find a child daycare that meets your beliefs.

But the question is what are your beliefs on what a good child daycare should be?

This is something for you to definitely think about, for you to find a good child daycare you need to determine what kind of environment you most definitely feel comfortable in.

Here are some of the questions you should be asking yourself before you venture out in looking for a child daycare center.

1. Do you feel more comfortable with a family child daycare or a group child daycare? Both are very different. A family child daycare is usually run by one person who is the owner, and usually out of someone’s home. A group child daycare is usually out of a commercial building with staff on hand. Children are divided according to ages. For example all babies are in one room, all toddlers in another, and so on.You get the idea. Family child daycares usually mix all ages together, but family daycares are small- only about 8 children per center. Group centers can be very large. Perhaps up to 250 children in one center.

2. What is the policy of the child care center? Be sure to ask what there rules are regarding sickness, time off, vacations, paid holidays, emergencies. Make sure that you are clear on what these policies are; be clear on what the child daycare center is expecting of you and vice versa. Many times this is how parents and child daycare centers get into disagreement. Not over the actual childcare provided but over the policies established by the center.

3. Do you trust the provider who will be taking care of your child? If you don’t trust the provider chances are you will leave the center. Also understand that child daycares aren’t perfect. Anytime you leave your home you take the risk of error. I’m not trying to protect the child daycare center, but people do make errors and understand that children will be children. They will argue, get dirty, hit their friends and so one but realize that they are learning and this is their nature at such a young age.

I think that the above questions are so important in asking yourself. Realize that choosing a child daycare center is an important decision. Children need consistency and stable loving relationships- this is so much more important then fancy toys and big buildings.

Christine Groth, has helped hundreds of women open their own family childcare centers. An author and mentor she has developed a mentoring system that guarantees their success in small business. To receive her free 3 part newsletter, go to http://www.instantdaycareprofits.com

Tags: Child day care, child daycare center, daycare, family child care, family daycare, home daycare

Perfectionism. How can such a perfect-sounding word give us so much trouble? All too often, Alzheimer’s family caregivers explode their personal stress levels by demanding too much of themselves.

The problem is that, for a caregiver, it is impossible to be completely perfect. There are just too many demands. And if we have unyielding perfectionistic expectations of ourselves, what will happen when we fall short? Unfortunately, when that happens, we can proceed to torment ourselves about our mistake.

So, what should we do about perfectionism? Understanding the psychology of perfectionism can help us cope with it. Pefectionism starts out innocently enough: a person desires to do better at something.

So far so good.

But, for many people, this desire to improve does not stop at that point. It can mutate into a driving demand with no toleration for any kind of mistake. Making a mistake leads the perfectionist to condemn him/herself. When he/she goofs, the perfectionist can think “I made a mistake – therefore I’m no good!” In this way, some people fall into the trap of mercilessly trashing themselves completely – just for being human.

And blind perfectionists will then work like crazy just to avoid re-experiencing their own self-condemnation the next time they (inevitably) make another mistake. So the perfectionist falls victim to a cycle of making extraordinary personal demands, not meeting all of his/her demands, trashing him/herself with guilt, resolving to be better next time (in order to not feel guilty), and striving to meet yet a newer and harsher set of demands. Mix well and repeat.

Why do many of us become perfectionistic? Some of us seem to be born perfectionists. It is also likely that perfectionists have learned this style. It all depends on how you think about things.

Nonperfectionists can roll with the punches. They can still see themselves as being OK even when they make a mistake. They learn from their goofup, and hopefully improve next time. They can still strive to do better, but their self-worth is not tied up with having to be best, to do best, and to have the absolute best outcomes.

People who suffer from unbridled perfectionism, however, automatically and relentlessly put themselves down whenever they are anything less than perfect – which can be all of the time for us less-than-perfect humans.

Blind perfectionism can make caregiving harder. Caregivers have to deal with many ongoing demands of their lives, such as: taking care of their loved ones, their home, their finances, their family, attending to chores and errands, and dealing with constant challenges and demands that crop up. Remember that it is just not possible to be perfect under all these circumstances. And the consequences of rampant perfectionism are costly: guilt, anger, anxiety, even depression – especially for Alzheimer’s caregivers

So, what should a dedicated perfectionist do? It is possible to tame your perfectionistic attitude. Here are some ideas:

1. Develop a sane approach to your tasks. Understand that you do not have to relentlessly drive yourself to do everything perfectly. So what if all the dishes aren’t done or the clothes put away right now? You’ll get to it!

2. Understand and remind yourself often that it is impossible to be completely perfect.

3. Notice when you do something well, and relax your demand for it to be THE BEST. Strive to be good enough.

4. Catch yourself when you are being too harsh on yourself. Take a few breaths and back off.

5. Prioritize. Make a list of what you really need to do. Select which tasks are the most important ones to deal with now. Put your attention and energy into handling them.

6. Where possible, take breaks, even little ones. Give yourself opportunities to rest and recharge. Remember that caregiving is a marathon experience, not a sprint.

7. Appreciate the power of mistakes We can learn from our mistakes and thereby improve.

8. Get some assistance to help you take a break now and then. Perhaps your family, friends, local Alzheimer’s Association chapter or Office on Aging can point you in the right direction.

9. If you are stuck in this perfectionistic pattern, consider consulting a mental health professional or ask your physician for some ideas.

11. Please remember that I am not suggesting that you give up on your caregiving tasks. It’s a matter of changing your attitude about your tasks. You can strive to do your best and, at the same time, refuse to put yourself down for not being absolutely perfect.

Alzheimer’s Family Caregiver Support is a series of articles to help empower someone who cares for a person with Alzheimer’s disease. The material in this article is educational, and is not a substitute for professional advice.

With more than 28 years of professional experience, Mark Matloff, Ph.D. brings his skills and passion to helping people and agencies improve and thrive. Since his graduate research in gerontology, he has worked with Alzheimer’s caregivers, the elderly, and a variety of caregiving agencies, in addition to his general adult outpatient private practice. He is a private practicing psychologist, author, speaker, consultant, and coach. His recent book, “Strength in Caring: Giving Power Back to the Alzheimer’s Caregiver,” is a resource for family members caring for a person with Alzheimer’s disease. You can subscribe to his free newsletter for Alzheimer’s family caregivers by sending a blank email to
caregiverhelp@aweber.com
You can learn more about his book at
http://Strengthincaring.com

Tags: Alzheimer's, caregiver, family, support