Ask yourself what values, superstitions, myths, and beliefs you hold, which
were given to you by those who have loved, nurtured, and reared you. You know
what I mean; I like to call them “family heirlooms.” All the little stated or unstated
rules you were instilled with growing up. Some of us are still receiving values
reinforcement from our love ones or we just replay messages in our head from when
we were developing.
“We don’t act like that.” “We don’t do that.” “We don’t say that.” We don’t
believe that.” “Are you going to wear that?” “Is that your friend?” “Are you going to
eat that?” The messages just play on and on.
Do you know why you were given those “heirlooms” or have you just adopted
them blindly? Were they born out of the experiences of others, but have not much to
do with your own experiences? Could they have been passed on to you from an era
when they may have been necessary, such as “the depression” or “the Jim Crow laws
period,” but now they are clearly obsolete? Do they all fit your life today? Do you
ever find yourself wondering how others who do not share your same values and
beliefs live? Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you did not follow
the family traditions? Are any of these “heirlooms” stopping you from being who you
really want to be? Are any of these “family heirlooms” hindering you from
succeeding in a loving relationship?
To get the life and love you want it is essential to evaluate, and then correct
yourself. Part of the evaluation should include the plethora of information you have
been given by those who love you. These individuals are significant because you
probably trust them more than any others on this earth. They are also very
important because they have helped shape who you are. To fully grow into your
individual self, you must carefully analyze your development.
Decide if what you were given as a child fits your lifestyle today. While looking
through your old family heirlooms you may find a new appreciation for values you
have taken for granted. You may also find that some of your heirlooms clash with
your new flair. If you have old heirlooms that do not match your new style, get rid of
them. Discard them happily, and don’t look back.
You may have to explain to the folks who have given you all this stuff that you
no longer have use for it. They will probably try to convince that you do. They may
even try to coerce you, beg you, or threaten to disown you, in order to make you
carry the family baggage. However, you should remember that you only have one
life to live, and you will be the one responsible if you do not get what you want out
of it. More than likely, your family will adapt to your new way of living because they
love you.
One last thing, if while taking this journey you discover that the “heirlooms”
you’ve adopted from your loved ones are very incongruent with the life you
desperately want to lead, do not waste your time blaming them for doing their best.
Just work toward doing your best. Continue to love and accept every part of them
because at your core you are they. To reject them is to reject you.
Brooke Brimm has a Master’s degree in Professional Counseling and 8 years of
experience in the field of Human Science. She has been married since 1993 and has
two beautiful daughters. Ms. Brimm authors an ezine, Loves Gumbo, in which she
discusses love, relationships, and friendships in today’s society. To join email:
lovesgumbo@comcast.net