EB Family Day Blog

Stress Management ABC’s – That Could Save Your Life!

admin — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 06:47:14 +0000

Stress is the spice of life not a disease that everybody must live with. While it is true that chronic and excessive stress can destroy your joy and peace, well managed stress can challenge and toughen you for major accomplishment. Like fire, stress can be very beneficial and a key part of a healthy productive life but it can also devastate us.

In reality, managing stress is not all that complicated but it does need our attention and we need to learn the basics of using it to our benefit and not be destroyed by it. Here are three simple yet powerful skills that I call the ABC’s of stress management: Awareness, Balance and Control.” These simple guidelines are the cornerstone of developing the stress hardiness needed to enjoy life and be productive in our busy world. You can use these anytime and anywhere and maximize the thrill of living. The good news is that most people simply need to take a moment and back off for a few minutes, take a deep breath and become aware of what is stressing them.

Awareness of our primary stressors and how they are affecting us is one of the first and most important factors in managing and enjoying the stresses of your life. Think through what are your primary stressors and find a good stress assessment tool that will objectively tell you how stress is affecting you.

Balance is learning how to keep our busy lives in perspective. Once you figure out what balance is for you and can maintain it, you are well on the road to enjoying the stress of your life. Are you taking time for rest, physical activity and personal and family time? Are you working realistic hours and balancing work and play? Only you can answer these questions for you.

Control is taking charge of all of your stressors. That is those of which you have control. We all have some stressors for which we do not have control, (i.e. a sudden life threatening illness, divorce, a friend or family member seriously injured or killed in an accident) but you will be surprised that you can take control of most of your significant stressors. Yes, you do have more control than you might think. Suppose for instance that this year has been a particularly stressful year for you. Then this may not be the time to volunteer to lead Boy Scouts or Girl Guides or even take on added personal projects. The body does not readily distinguish between positive and negative stressors both can be equally beneficial or harmful. They are beneficial if we have the stress hardiness needed to manage them or harmful, even if it is a positive stressor, if the event or activity puts you over into excessive or unmanageable stress for an extended period.

Yes, even in our fast-paced busy world, you can be on the run and have your stress under control. Managing stress is not that difficult. Is it doable? I know it is. I live a very active, demanding life and enjoy it to the full. You can achieve a stress hardiness that will enable you to see the plus side of stress and grow and prosper from it rather than be trapped by it.

Many people think that to manage their stress more effectively they need to reduce there stress levels, change their job or escape from real life. While it is true that some people need to reduce their stress levels and for some their job is killing them, yet who can or would want to abandon family and friends for the sake of stress management? The good news is that you can thrive even in our fast-paced busy world. Practice these ABC,s and learn the stress skills that help you develop the stress hardiness you need. I have a FREE e-course entitled, 7 Days to Enjoying the Stress of Your Life, for more info click on the link below.

Cameron Johnston is an author, speaker and stress fitness coach. He is a burnout survivor who has inspired tens of thousands of individuals to live it up without being washed-up. Through his articles, books and speaking, employees in hundreds of organizations have mastered the stress hardiness tools needed to thrive and succeed in our fast-paced, 24/7 world. He has a Masters of Science Degree in Public Health and has developed the Cooling DownThe Stress Soup Stress Management System. Cameron is the author of three books on stress management including, Don’t Eat The Soup As Hot As They Cook It! Here he has distilled all the stress management essentials into eight powerful and very doable ways to cool off the stress soup. He is President of WellChoices

Family Heirlooms

admin — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:52:02 +0000

Ask yourself what values, superstitions, myths, and beliefs you hold, which
were given to you by those who have loved, nurtured, and reared you. You know
what I mean; I like to call them “family heirlooms.” All the little stated or unstated
rules you were instilled with growing up. Some of us are still receiving values
reinforcement from our love ones or we just replay messages in our head from when
we were developing.

“We don’t act like that.” “We don’t do that.” “We don’t say that.” We don’t
believe that.” “Are you going to wear that?” “Is that your friend?” “Are you going to
eat that?” The messages just play on and on.

Do you know why you were given those “heirlooms” or have you just adopted
them blindly? Were they born out of the experiences of others, but have not much to
do with your own experiences? Could they have been passed on to you from an era
when they may have been necessary, such as “the depression” or “the Jim Crow laws
period,” but now they are clearly obsolete? Do they all fit your life today? Do you
ever find yourself wondering how others who do not share your same values and
beliefs live? Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you did not follow
the family traditions? Are any of these “heirlooms” stopping you from being who you
really want to be? Are any of these “family heirlooms” hindering you from
succeeding in a loving relationship?

To get the life and love you want it is essential to evaluate, and then correct
yourself. Part of the evaluation should include the plethora of information you have
been given by those who love you. These individuals are significant because you
probably trust them more than any others on this earth. They are also very
important because they have helped shape who you are. To fully grow into your
individual self, you must carefully analyze your development.

Decide if what you were given as a child fits your lifestyle today. While looking
through your old family heirlooms you may find a new appreciation for values you
have taken for granted. You may also find that some of your heirlooms clash with
your new flair. If you have old heirlooms that do not match your new style, get rid of
them. Discard them happily, and don’t look back.

You may have to explain to the folks who have given you all this stuff that you
no longer have use for it. They will probably try to convince that you do. They may
even try to coerce you, beg you, or threaten to disown you, in order to make you
carry the family baggage. However, you should remember that you only have one
life to live, and you will be the one responsible if you do not get what you want out
of it. More than likely, your family will adapt to your new way of living because they
love you.

One last thing, if while taking this journey you discover that the “heirlooms”
you’ve adopted from your loved ones are very incongruent with the life you
desperately want to lead, do not waste your time blaming them for doing their best.
Just work toward doing your best. Continue to love and accept every part of them
because at your core you are they. To reject them is to reject you.

Brooke Brimm has a Master’s degree in Professional Counseling and 8 years of
experience in the field of Human Science. She has been married since 1993 and has
two beautiful daughters. Ms. Brimm authors an ezine, Loves Gumbo, in which she
discusses love, relationships, and friendships in today’s society. To join email:
lovesgumbo@comcast.net

[tags]self exploration, self development, personal growth, individual growth, life choices, family[/tags]

Adding Pictures Breaths Life into Your Family Tree

admin — Fri, 01 May 2009 11:32:11 +0000

Adding photographs of your relatives and their environment can add realism and a touch of class to your family tree. But how do you make sure that you are putting the correct face with the name? There are many clues in the picture that can help put the appropriate age to a photograph. Be sure to use the same methodical approach to dating the picture that you use in the researching of your family tree and be sure to document everything.

First the physical photograph is a clue. Was it made with the tin-type or older method, or a paper print? How heavy is the paper it is printed on? In the case of a portrait, are there any identification marks or labels from the photographer’s studio?

Next, if you enlarge the print either digitally or with a magnifying glass, what is in the background? A newspaper headline or better yet a date may be seen. An advertisement in a store window or the population count on a city limit sign can give the approximate age of the photo. Are there automobiles, or horses, on the street? Of course, if the family homestead is the backdrop, a definite assumption can be made.

The style of clothing is one of the best ways to date a picture. The style of women’s hats, the hairstyle, the sleeve style of a dress, the neckline, or the style of the collar, are all clues.

With men, hairstyle can be a hint. The width of the necktie, the cut of a suit, again, as with women, the collar of a shirt, maybe a military uniform.

Unfortunately, all babies in pictures look alike, unless they are of my adorable grandchildren, so you may have to rely on the other people in the picture or the background.

Comparing what you believe about the age of the photograph and the approximate age of the subject, with what you know about the person in your family tree, is not 100% accurate. But, you can be pretty sure you have matched the name to the face.

Other photographs, the homestead, the ship they arrived in America on, school yearbook pictures, wedding portraits all add realism and a touch of class to your family’s story.

Craig Hinz is a genealogist with over 15 years of experience. you may contact him at craig@searhforrelatives.com or visit his website at http://www.searchforrelatives.com

[tags]Genealogy, Family, Ancestors, Relatives[/tags]

Surviving Your Family – Accommodation

admin — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 08:24:03 +0000

What are some other mental motivations that are influenced by guilt, resentment, and pain? How do these motivations contribute to the behaviors that plague us? Once you see how these work, it will be a lot easier to understand the different motivations for any major problem that you find yourself wrestling with . . . over and over again.

There are mechanisms you’ve developed to “survive your family.” The core workings of them are behind the behaviors you have and don’t like. The big three mechanisms are accommodation, rebellion, and mimicking. Once you understand why you’ve invited them into your life and made them so comfortable over the years, you’ll start seeing that you can also ask them to leave. Once gone, the behaviors that seemed impossible to change will change.

Accommodation

What’s another way of saying accommodation? Try this: placing your parent or sibling before you at your own expense. To maintain the important ties to our parents or siblings, to feel loved by them, we may accommodate to or comply with their reasonable expectations. That’s okay, right? Sure, but what about accommodating or complying with their serious flaws and damaging expectations? Not as “okay,” right? Too much accommodation causes us to ignore our own interests, goals, and destiny. If that were the case, why would we do this? Because their guilt-provoking words and deeds show us that they’re hurt when we don’t comply or accommodate.
Huh? Look at it like this: Say you become very obedient to a very controlling parent; you could easily become too submissive and you could quickly learn to squelch your own independent thinking. What happens if you don’t comply? Usually, this kind of parent becomes agitatedhe screams, she loses control, maybe they become violent. What does he scream? “You damn kid. You never listen. Do it now or I’m going to kill you!” Their insults, screaming, and other such behaviors are all clear evidence that your parents are fragile. You’ve wounded them. You’ve sent them right over the edge. So what’s a nice, well-meaning kid supposed to do? How about limiting his or her normal sense of independence?

Accommodation or compliance is very likely to cause you to suffer profoundly if your submissive behavior continues for the rest of your life. You’ll hate yourself for not asserting yourself and then you’ll find that people close to you can’t stand you for the very same reason. Maybe you’ll try to suppress it and it just comes out anyway. Every time you come in late for a meeting, stubbornly disagree with everyone around you, or even do an assignment with begrudging defiance, you’re revealing your resentment of your authoritarian parent.

Excerpted from Self-Help for Smarties: Secret Success Codes for Weight Loss, Love, Career and Parenting by Irwin Gootnick, M.D. (Penmarin Books, May 2006).

[tags]Gootnick, Survive, Family, Accommodation[/tags]

Running out of Story Ideas Harvest your Family Tree

admin — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 06:08:10 +0000

I’ve sat and watched the cursor blink on the clean white page for a week. What shall I write about? Yes, my daughters, even newsletter editors lack inspiration at times.

Having no direction, my mind wandered toward the family. Natural, eh? I killed time by skimming my genealogy page and whamo, the proverbial ton of bricks fell. Of course! With real people and events you can write about anything.

I picked up a few lines here and there and my goodness! I found a writer’s jackpot, and you all have one. It sits neatly among the limbs of your own Family Tree. Have you discovered it yet? Just think of the many genres and topics a good writer could pick up.

I found a Tudor diplomat, who worked along with Cardinal Woolsey and Erasmus. Richard was an official in the Church. He helped write the Kings James version of the Bible, working primarily on the Book of Psalms.

And, John the Jester – Brother of Richard

Although a scholar of King’s College, Cambridge, in 1539, and being a Master of the Arts, he was soon attached as the Jester in the household of the Duke of Norfolk before Henry VIII’s death, and in Elizabeth’s reign, he was transferred to the court.

That a man of education like Pace should have voluntarily assumed ‘the fool’s coat’ often excited hostile comment. To such criticism Pace’s friend, John Heywood, the epigrammatist, once answered that “It is better for the common weal for wise men to ‘go in fools’ coats’ than for fools to ‘go in wise men’s gowns’”
Camden, Remaines,ed.857 p314

Another Richard founded Paces’s Paines across the river from Jamestown

It took 112 years to get Priscilla’s hollyhock seed from Georgia to Oklahoma, according to John W. Allen, curator of history of Southern Illinois University Museum.

I found stories of Priscilla, a young girl of ten or eleven, who gathered the seeds of the hollyhock plant to take with her from Georgia (some versions say North Carolina) to her destination in Oklahoma during the tragic Trail of Tears era of 1838-39.

She was befriended and adopted by my husbands ancestor during a rest camp on Dutch Creek, in Illinois. Today, Priscilla Hollyhocks are known by their unusual red color and small size and cover the hills of certain areas.

What could be done with a story of a hanging that failed during a civil war raid? A relative was among those hauling supplies for Col. Mulligan at Lexington. He was alone that day and he wouldn’t talk, so the raiders hung him and left. The knot slipped, he fell to the ground and wormed his way up to a house where the rope was cut by a woman.

Way back in history I roamed and found reference to a family named Rolfe and Pocahontas.

The John Wayne movie, Rooster Cogburn, carries my mother’s family names and was set in Arkansas, her birthplace. I have an old picture in my album of a man with the name ‘Rooster Cogburn’ written across it. It isn’t old enough to be the original, but he carries the nick-name forward. The only claim I have to this reference, are the names. They all match and it’s fun.

I believe we each have so much history bound up in our family trees, we should never run out of ideas or inspiration. I’m lucky to have a genealogist brother to do all the searching and verifying, it’s more work than I could handle. http://www.rootsweb.com/ Thanks, Lee.

Go directly to the Message Boards and type in your family name. It’s free and it’s fun to read others looking for the same information – your family. This is not a site to do research unless you want to pay. If you do, it’s very good – one of the best. If you don’t have time to do a thorough search, just visit and search your family names. You’ll be pleasantly surprised, and you may decide to work on your own history.

Write your fictional story on true events but don’t worry about keeping them factual. That’s why you call it good fiction.

Harriet is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/
which is a site for Poetry. Her portfolio can be
found at http://www.Writing.Com/authors/storytime

[tags]family trees,inspiration,storyideas,writers block,family history,genealogy,fiction,writing ideas,[/tags]

As God’s Revelations Became Fuller and More Perfect, Abraham’s Prayerfulness Increased Part 1

admin — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 08:38:05 +0000

ABRAHAM, the friend of God, was a striking illustration of one of the Old Testament saints who believed strongly in prayer. Abraham was not a shadowy figure by any means. In the simplicity and dimness of the patriarchal era, as illustrated by him, we learn the worth of prayer, as well as discover it’s distant past. The fact is, prayer reaches back to the first ages of people on earth. We see how the energy of prayer is absolutely required in the simplest as well as in the most complex times of God’s grace.

When we study Abraham’s character, we find that after his call to go out into an unknown country, on his journey with his family and his household servants, wherever he stayed temporarily by the way for the night or longer, he always built an altar, and “called upon the name of the Lord.” And this man of faith and prayer was one of the first to build a family altar, around which to gather his household and offer the sacrifices of worship, of praise and of prayer. These altars constructed by Abraham were, first of all, essentially altars about which he gathered his household, as emanated from his secret prayer.

As God’s revelations became fuller and more perfect, Abraham’s prayerfulness increased, and it was at one of these spiritual eras that “Abraham fell on his face and God talked with him.” On still another occasion we find this man, “the father of the faithful,” on his face before God, astonished almost to disbelief at the purposes and revelations of Almighty God to him in promising him a son in his old age, and the wonderful actions that God made concerning his promised son.

Even Ishmael’s destiny is shaped by Abraham’s prayer when he prayed, “O that Ishmael might live before thee!”

It was Abraham’s rule to stand before the Lord in prayer. His life was surcharged with prayer and Abraham’s life was sanctified by prayer. For wherever he stops in his pilgrimage, prayer was his inseparable accompaniment. Side by side with the altar of sacrifice was the altar of prayer. He got up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the Lord in prayer.

The possibilities of prayer are gauged by faith in God’s ability to do. Faith is the one prime condition by which God works. Faith is the one prime condition by which man prays. Faith draws on God to its full extent. Faith gives character to prayer. A feeble faith has always brought forth feeble praying. Vigorous faith creates vigorous praying. Christ asks this pointed question, “When the Son of Man cometh, shall He find faith on the earth?” For more info on prayer and faith please go to my blog at byfaith-enterprises.blogspot.com and leave a comment. For prayer or any questions you may have, leave the request in the comment section. Also sign-up and get your FREE eBook and Prayer Training Report. I have written a book called “The Science of Prayer” and it is ready at byfaith-enterprises.blogspot.com. Keep praying to the Great I AM.

[tags]pray,prayer,family prayer,praying,prayerfulness,family altar,abraham,faith,family,grace,true prayer[/tags]

My Stepfamily – Part 3 – My Childhood

admin — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:58:08 +0000

My mother remarried to a man with children. I like my stepfamily, even though it feels odd living under the same roof with them. I have a stepfather, a stepbrother, and two stepsisters. My father has attempted to remarry, but is so far unsuccessful.

My mom and stepfather got married March 18, 2000. My stepfather is a doctor and oddly delivered me. I moved in with him in early 1999. It feels as if I have been given a bonus dad. It is a strange feeling having a stepfather. He is nice to me, and I like him. Unfortunately, he is not always home, and sometimes is at the Hospital all night. My mom is happy and loves him very much. If he makes my mom happy then I am happy.

My stepsister Carrie is the oldest of us four. She lives in Maryland with her husband. She went to Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island. When she moved out, I took her room upstairs as my own. Unfortunately, when I moved in she moved out to college. I do not know a whole lot about her since I never see her.

My stepbrother Jeff is the second oldest of us four. He goes to college at the University of Florida; he lived with me for most of the time. He is my only stepbrother, and I do not know a lot of him. He likes to surf, which makes him opposite of me so we could not ever relate. He was always out late, partying, or sleeping because he was tired from partying.

My other stepsister Molly is the third oldest of us four, which that makes me the youngest. She is currently on her Senior Year of High School at Porter Gaud. She is planning on going to Clemson, which is my rival school since I like Carolina. She helps me with any work I have if I need it, and puts up with me. She and I are the only kids left in the house.

When I moved in there were six people in the house. The house was at its limit. Now there are only four in the house, and next year there will be three left. It feels odd being an only child half of the time when I am with my dad, but when I go to my moms house I am not an only child. I sometimes miss being an only child every day, but most of the time, I enjoy having siblings.

In Part four I shall discuss what it has been like for me going through my fathers failed relationships. I shall discuss some of the major relationships, and some minor. I shall review how the relationships affected me and how they affected my father.

Seth Cohen
If you have questions or comments for me, e-mail me at Hurricaneman3691@yahoo.com

[tags]Parents, Stepfamily, Stepparents, Step parents, Step siblings, Divorce, Family, Moving, Change[/tags]

Stress Is Speeding Up Life – 6 Things You Can Do To Slow Down

admin — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:36:06 +0000

Life is moving faster today than even a couple of years ago! It is not a figment of your imagination! There are so many potential stressors today and most have been with us since humans have been on the planet. For instance, a new baby in the family was just as stressful three thousand years ago as it is today. Let’s take a quick look at a number of relatively new stressors that even our grandparents had little knowledge of or experience with:

INFORMATION OVERLOAD – the ever increasing knowledge base is growing so rapidly that no one can keep up, not even those who look like they are! Information overload is a serious stress reality today and each of us has to find a way to manage all the information to our own advantage or it will overwhelm us.

CONSTANT RAPID CHANGE – coming out of the information explosion is constant rapid change. Change is not new to life on this planet but never has it been so constant and rapid. We humans are creatures of habit and changes tend to always be stressful, even changes we perceive to be positive. Learning the skills needed to manage the rapid pace of change today in the family, at work and in society is essential to managing our stress.

DECISIONAL OVERLOAD – information overload and constant change leads to decisional overload. Consider all the choices and options we all have every day. Whether it is our work, social opportunities or variety of food products, you cannot but be faced with literally hundreds of choices and decisions every day. Someone said a few years ago that we are bombarded with over 2000 advertising messages every day, probably more now. We can easily become overwhelmed and while we block out most of these messages we must develop effective strategies so we can thrive in this new, every changing and multi-opportunity world.

THEN THERE IS TECHNO-STRESS – one lady said the power when out in her house for five minutes and she had to set twenty-three clocks. Ever present worldwide news, cell phones, pagers and the list goes on and on, invade our world with relentless negativity and urgency. Add to all of this: global terrorism, global epidemics and major natural disasters. We can easily worry ourselves into a frenzy day and night. How can we manage these new stressors? Here are a couple of stress management tips.

1. LEARN HOW TO MANAGE THE INFORMATION EXPLOSION, daily flowing in and out of your life. Find ways to sort out the essential from the interesting and the urgent from the important. The internet is a wonderful tool but we must learn how to use it effectively otherwise it can waste a lot of valuable time and frustrate you at the same time.

2. LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU CAN. Do you really need to move into that new house this yeareven though you can afford it?

3. FIND WAYS TO LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF DECISIONS IN ANY GIVEN DAY. Delegate or eliminate as much as possible. I remember years ago reading about a habit of Ann Landers when if she found a particular dress she liked. She would buy two or three in different colors to limit her shopping decisions. Not a bad idea or example.

4. MAXIMIZE THE POSITIVE USE OF TECHNOLOGY. Must you have every new gadget that is produced? Remember also that technology can run 24/7 but you can’t.

5. TAKE A MEDIA FAST OCCASIONALLY. Maybe weekly, for a few hours, a whole day, and sometimes longer, possibly for a week or two. World problems will all continue without you knowing about them. The stress break can do wonders to help you relax.

6. REFUSE TO ALLOW ALL THE NEGATIVE LOCAL AND WORLD NEWS TO MAKE YOU PESSIMISTIC, CYNICAL OR PARANOID. Choose to be positive and optimistic even when life is difficult. For more help on managing these new stressors consider signing up for my FREE e-course entitled, 7 Days to Enjoying the Stress of Your Life, to receive click on link below.

Restoring the Family

admin — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:27:03 +0000

Today we are living in a time when the family is under great attack, the rate of divorce is just as great in the church as outside the church. So many families are broken and need to be healed and restored, many going for years trying to figure out what is wrong and too embarrassed to ask for help.

God designed the perfect plan for the family, but if the family you were born into is dysfunctional, the plan was not implemented. God’s plan has always been for the fathers and mothers to teach their children the ways of the Lord. The home should be a divine school where God’s Word and Godly principles are taught and lived out on a daily basis. The parents are responsible for establishing a standard for righteousness, a standard for what is right and what is wrong.

Where do you start? Start with love. God is love; therefore, the ways of God cannot be learned apart from the love of God; His ways will appear to be just a set of rules. However, a home where love is present is the perfect environment for a child to learn God’s ways. A home that is in alignment with the ways of God is a home that is blessed.

So, to come into alignment for the full blessings of God, we must come into agreement with Him and learn His ways. When a family has the love of God, even the laws of God will be viewed and embraced as guidelines that ensure God’s blessings. We keep His commandments because we love Him. He, in turn, blesses us because He loves us.

Just as there are laws in the land to keep us safe, there are spiritual laws that God has set to keep us safe. Psalms 74:17 tells us, “It was You who set all the boundaries of the earth….” However, unlike the laws of the land, we are always subject to spiritual laws and will always pay the consequences for breaking those laws.

Spiritual laws are much like natural laws. Take gravity; if a pencil is thrown into the air, it will fall to the ground every time. Just so with a spiritual law – break it and the devastating consequences must be paid, every time. This is true if we believe in God’s laws – or if we don’t. In fact, it is Satan’s aim to destroy families by destroying the belief in the absoluteness of God’s laws.

The following four spiritual laws are keys that will restore any family:
The Law of Honoring
Deut. 5:16 “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.” (Ps. 119:1-3; Ps. 19:7-10; Eph 6:2)
To dishonor our parents will bring trouble to our own lives.

The Law of Judging
Matt. 7:1-2 “Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.”
We judge another because we see in them (speck) what we have in our life (log). When we pass judgment on the speck we are also condemned for the log.

The Law of Reaping
Gal. 6:7 “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.”
A man reaps what he sows. Sow bitterness, you reap bitterness. Sow anger, you reap anger. Sow joy, you reap joy. Whatever you sow, you will reap. This is much like the natural law: For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.

The Law of Increase
Hosea 8:7 “For they have sown the wind and they shall reap the whirlwind: it hath no stalk: the bud shall yield no meal: if so be it yield, the strangers shall swallow it up.” (Gal 6:7)

We sow the wind and reap the whirlwind. If bad seed is sown and not immediately unearthed, years later it will produce an entire crop of devastating consequences.

For ways to stop the domino effect go to full article on Restoring the Family at livingwatersministry.com

For full article on Restoring the Family go to
http://www.livingwatersministry.com/articles.php?viewtype=read&trans=21

Denise Boggs is an author, teacher, and director of Living Waters Ministry.
She writes a daily devotional call The Path Called Righteousness.
http://www.livingwatersministry.com/devotionalsubscribe.htm

For daily devotional

http://www.livingwatersministry.com

[tags]dysfunctional, families, healing, family restoration[/tags]

How to Rid Yourself of this “Family Dysfunctional” Curse – FamilyVision Column

admin — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 13:26:06 +0000

“Who’s your daddy?” screams the angry woman to the little girl standing on the porch. The little girl’s mother comes out of the house waving a frying pan and letting loose curse words. A shouting match takes place between the women. You can hear the yelling and see the fighting. A policeman arrives to deal with this domestic disturbance. He separates the two ladies and learns these two are dating the same man. No one is happy.

Don’t allow yourself to be held captive by a negative vibe in your family. There is no perfect family (if you are honest, there’s probably some dysfunctional behavior in your family tree). Confusion can destroy a close-knit family. In this situation, the word “family” primarily refers to your extended relatives (brother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.). Communication usually breaks down–feelings get hurt. Disharmony can happen to any family. How does it get started? It can be created either by individual choices or by the decisions of others. You can see it created through many ways: selfish sibling, drugs taking control, dependent relatives, money-stricken friends, or toxic relationships. Can you think of others?

Many issues can cause family confusion. Many people tend to react to their gut feeling without thinking through the consequences. Don’t believe these personal decisions only impact you. No, short-term choices can leave a legacy of total disasters. Do you need examples? Take someone else’s loved one? Threaten to kill someone? We live in a society where no one wants to wait and develop a real relationship. People prefer to generate quick “soap opera” relationships to shield their insecurities. There are impacts. For example, Derrick Thomas, former Kansas City Chief linebacker, was a football hero with fame, money, and power. He died on February 8, 2000, from injuries suffered in auto accident. He probably hoped to leave fans a legacy of outstanding memories, but the reality is Derrick’s leaving the public another American tragedy. He left seven children from five different women and no will. While Derrick earned more than $30 million in his football career, it is expected the children will split several hundred thousand dollars once the estate is settled. What kind of situation does this leave the family? Will there be chaos in the family? Each of us must realize that our choices not only can hurt us, but our loved ones also.

Do you know someone in your family who creates disharmony? A small dose of confusion can spread like a wild fire in a family. You can always find at least one person looking to generate “mess” in a family. What will start it this time? Family property? Money? This person will not let the problem die down; he is not content until there is a big explosion. The results are generally not positive. In our own family, we have seen family members fight over property. There is generally lots of anger and hurt feelings. Often kids are caught in the middle, left to carry on this confusion (even when they don’t understand the cause). While many involved in these types of situations are left empty, some people thrive on this negative energy and seem to get enjoyment from it (the more trouble, the better). They celebrate disharmony. We call these folks “troublemakers” or “instigators.” Here are some suggestions for improving these situations: